Funny, Silly, and Dumb Quotes
Some people in the world say silly things, and it turns out humorous. Here are a
few crackers found during a trawl on the doublya doublya doublya....
"I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with
them."
- George Bush
"It's time for the human race to
enter the solar system!"
- Dan Quayle, on the concept
of a manned mission to Mars
"The word 'genius' isn't applicable
in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
- Joe Theisman, quarterback
and sports analyst
"Bruce Sutter has been around for
awhile and he's pretty old. He's thirty-five years old. That will give you some
idea of how old he is."
- Ron Fairley, Giants'
broadcaster
"Half this game is ninety percent
mental."
- Danny Ozark, Phillies
manager
"We all get heavier as we get older
because there's a lot more information in our heads."
- Vlade Divac, NBA basketball
player
"Sometimes they write what I say and
not what I mean."
- Baseball Player Pedro Guerrero
on reporters
"I've read about foreign policy and
studied, I now know the number of continents."
- George Wallace, 1968
presidential campaign
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your
life."
- Brooke Shields
"This planet is our home. If we
destroy the planet, we've destroyed our home, so it is fundamentally important."
- H. Ross Perot
I do not like this word "bomb." It
is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding."
- French ambassador to New Zealand
Jacques le Blanc, regarding press coverage of France's nuclear weapons tests
in the Pacific
"I was provided with additional
input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that
version."
- Colonel Oliver North, from
his Iran-Contra testimony
"Do not touch anything
unnecessarily. Beware of pretty girls in dance halls and parks who may be spies,
as well as bicycles, revolvers, uniforms, arms, dead horses, and men lying on
roads -- they are not there accidentally."
- Soviet infantry manual,
issued in the 1930's
"All you have to do is go down to
the bottom of your swimming pool and hold your breath."
- David Miller, US DOE
spokesperson, on protecting yourself from nuclear radiation
"My fellow Americans. I've signed
legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes."
- President Reagan, before a
scheduled radio broadcast, unaware that the microphone was already on
"The private enterprise system
indicates that some people have higher incomes than others."
- Gerry Brown, California
governor
"Traditionally, most of Australia's
imports come from overseas."
- Keppel Enderbery
"Things are more like they are now
than they have ever been."
- President Gerald Ford
The Internet is a great way to get on the net."
- Senator Bob Dole
"How could this be a problem in a
country where we have Intel and Microsoft?"
- (on Y2K) Al Gore
"I don't feel we did wrong in taking
this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed
new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
- John Wayne
"When I was in England I experimented with
marijuana a time or two, and I didn't like it. I didn't inhale."
- Bill Clinton
"I did not have sexual relations
with that woman, Miss Lewinsky."
- Bill Clinton, January 26,
1998
"We have a firm commitment to NATO,
we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of
Europe."
- Dan Quayle
"The statistics on sanity are that
one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness.
Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you."
- Rita Mae Brown
"During my service in the United
States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet"
- Al Gore
"Computers in the future may have
only 1, 000 vacuum tubes and perhaps only weigh 1 1/2 tons."
- Popular Mechanics, 1949
"Get your feet off my desk, get out
of here, you stink, and we're not going to buy your product."
- Joe Keenan, President of
Atari, responding to Steve Jobs' offer to sell him rights to the new personal
computer he and Steve Wozniak had developed. 1976
"There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home."
- Ken Olson (President of
Digital Equipment Corporation), Convention of the World Future Society in
Boston, 1977
"640k ought to be enough for
anybody."
- Bill Gates
"Wherever I have gone in this
country, I have found Americans."
- Alf Landon, in a campaign
speech while running against FDR
"You can't just let nature run
wild."
- Wally Hickel, former
governor of Alaska
"I was under medication when I made
the decision to burn the tapes."
- Richard Nixon
"We are not without accomplishment.
We have managed to distribute poverty equally."
- Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese
foreign minister
"We don't necessarily discriminate.
We simply exclude certain types of people."
- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC
instructor
"If you take out the killings,
Washington actually has a very low crime rate."
- Marion Barry, mayor of
Washington, D.C.
"Those who survived the San
Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those
who died, their lives will never be the same again."
-Sen. Barbara Boxer, (D,
California)
"If we don't succeed we run the risk
of failure."
- Dan Quayle
"We'd like to avoid problems, because when we have problems, we can have
troubles."
- Governor Wesley Bolin
"The streets are safe in
Philadelphia, it's only the people who make them unsafe."
- Frank Rizzo, Mayor,
Philadelphia
"The loss of life will be
irreplaceable."
- Dan Quayle
"It isn't pollution that is hurting
the environment, it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
- Dan Quayle
"I was recently on a tour of Latin
America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in
school so I could converse with those people."
- Dan Quayle
"(I want to) make sure everybody who has a
job wants a job."
- George Bush, during his 1st
campaign for the presidency
"How can a guy this politically
immature seriously expect to be president?"
- Franklin D. Roosevelt, Jr.,
assessing John F. Kennedy's chances in the 1960 election, 1959
"Now that the president has admitted
wrongdoing, he should resign."
- Bill Clinton, referring to
Nixon's impeachment in 1974, as quoted in The Arkansas Democrat, August 6, 1974
"This election is about who's going
to be the next President of the United States!"
-Dan Quayle
"A low voter turnout is an
indication of fewer people going to the polls."
- Dan Quayle
"Most of my clichés aren't original."
- Chuck Knox, NFL football
coach
I would like to live forever,
because we should not live forever, because if we were ever supposed to live
forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I
would not live forever."
- Miss Alabama in the 1994
Miss Universe contest
"For NASA, space is still a high
priority."
- Dan Quayle
"Quite frankly, teachers are the
only profession that teach our children."
- Dan Quayle