Boat Trip

Does anyone remember that Cuba Gooding Jnr once won an Oscar? No seriously, he did. After his break through in Boyz N The Hood and the up streak of Jerry Maguire, his career has taken a major down turn, which is a real shame for a guy with a lot of talent. With the exception of Pearl Harbour (which in all honesty, didn’t depend on any one actor – they were just the fillers in-between CGI enhanced war shenanigans) his films of late have been disappointing.

In his latest offering, Boat Trip, Gooding plays Jerry, a young man in a happy relationship with his beautiful girlfriend Felicia (Vivica A. Fox) which ends badly after an unfortunate incident whilst he was proposing to her in a hot air balloon.  

Suddenly finding himself single again, Jerry falls into depression and spends his time pining for Felicia. With only his best friend, Nick (Horatio Sanz) to comfort him, six months pass with Jerry still in his rut. Nick finally cannot take anymore whining and decides to take the bull by the horn and convinces Jerry that the best way to get over Felicia is to get back into the game. 

So these two geniuses decide that the best way meet women and also enjoy a break is to take a cruise. The idea is sound but after a fracas with the travel agents, they manage to get themselves booked onto a gay cruise.

With Jerry and Nick poised and more than a little eager to avail themselves to members of the opposite sex, it takes a little while for the reality of the situation to break through the hormones surrounding the tiny minds of our intrepid heroes.

With the situation looking bleaker than a gerbil’s future in a roman bath, the two guys discover that their cruise is a complete shambles and that there is no hope for them – except as luck would have it, a bikini-clad female Swedish tanning team, who are adrift in a dingy, are saved and brought on board.  

Things seem to have taken a turn for the up side as now that there is a team of tanned beauties on board and with only two heterosexual men on board, the coast is clear for Jerry and Nick.  

Jerry, however, has three minor problems, he’s fallen for the female dance instructor (Roselyn Sanchez), he’s being pursued by an aging cruiser who constantly licks sausages suggestively (played by Roger Moore) and Felicia decides that now is the time to make a fresh entry into Jerry’s life. 

Can Jerry decide between the woman he loved in the past and the woman he loves now?  

In all honesty by the time Jerry’s big dilemma turns up, no one really cares. The film is packed with over the top gay stereotypes and an unbelievable air of insulting campness. There are no subtle jokes at all; everything is either flaming gay to the max or aiming for gross-out humour. Ranging from the now compulsory lispy faux-Puerto Rican queen who spouts lines like “O! Ju naughty boythz!” to a painful flamboyant dancing show. 

The film is designed to show two heterosexual guys being uncomfortable in a YMCA environment. Roger Moore is painfully to watch (fer Christ sake you once had a licence to kill! What happened?). Gooding prances about, gets to mug at the camera and flames it up. Roselyn Sanchez (who bears an uncanny resemblance to a Latin version of Sandra Bullock), fresh from the success of Rush Hour 2, spends most of the film trying to appeal to the male audience. With tactics like graphically demonstrating fellatio (that’s blow jobs for the readers in Essex) on a banana it seems to work (well it woke me up!).  

The heteros-in-strange-gay-waters, has been done before and with much better results, The Birdcage for example. With the Boat Trip, it seems that the task of being funny, silly and romantic is just too much for it, which is a shame.

Score 3/10